Everyone Thinks They Know Best
The loud one, the quite one, the know-it-all, the foodie, the outdoorsmen, and the homebody.
We all know and have a variety of friends and family members in our lives. Everyone has unique personality traits and characteristics that make them who they are. Every person in your life can service you in different ways. Some people you love to go on adventures with, some you love to relax with, some you want to try that new restaurant with, and some you go to for hard-hitting advice.
When you have a chronic illness, everyone wants to be a critic. Everyone wants to put their two cents in about a disease they know nothing about. They want to come off as educated about your disease. They come off as if they truly understand exactly what you're going through. Truth is, until you live it, you will never truly understand. Yes, you can show compassion and concern, but you'll never know what it's like to walk in those shoes. Here are some types of people you may encounter along the way:
The Know-It-All
The one who thinks they know and understand everything about your disease. The one who looks up information on the Internet and thinks that if it's there, it's law. The one who hears it on the news and believes that if it was on the news, it must be right. The one who suggest every kind of diet because "it works" for everyone they know. The one who says "the experts says it's right so it must be true". They act like they understand everything you're going through. Well until you have actually gone through it yourself, you don't know jack. What works for one person, doesn't mean it going to work for everyone. You know what I have to say to those know-it-alls? I will do my best to try and not judge you for the ignorant comments you just made about a disease you know nothing about and have no real experience with.
The Religious Type
This is the one who is always praying for you. The one always saying "I'm praying for you" or "just keep the faith". The ones who say "if you would just believe..." How about the ones who say "god doesn't give more than you can handle". My mom has been given a buffet of difficulties. So the "big man upstairs" can let up anytime now. That would be great. How about the one who says "come to church with me so we can pray for you. You'll feel much better". I have an issue with this and have talked to a lot of people in our ms community who also have an issue with type of person. As for prayers, I'm all for prayers. If you take time out to pray for my mom or I, I greatly appreciate it. God knows I can use all the prayers I can get. But don't preach and don't shove your beliefs or religion down my throat. You have every right to believe in whatever you want to believe. I'll never tell you that you're wrong. I believe in what I believe in, and you believe in what you believe in. Let's be respectful of each others beliefs and have some common courtesy between one another. What I think bothers people living with chronic illnesses is that it's not tangible help. They want a hug, someone to talk to who will listen, get them out of the house, dinner, etc. They want to hear "I'm here for you, whatever you need". What if you're not religious or don't believe in God? "I'm praying for you" may be uncomfortable for some people. A coworker my mom used to work with once said to her "you know if you just believed in God you wouldn't have MS". Huh? Really? Come again? The balls people have to say whatever they feel like amazes me.
The Self-Centered
This is the person who acts like they care. Really it's all just a show. They want to come over for a cup of coffee and see how you're doing. but when they get there, it's all about them. They constantly compare what you're going through to the experiences they've had. "I done that". "I've been through that". "I had to do this or that". "Well my aunt, sister, cousin, coworker, mailman, person at the grocery store had this happen to them". Awesome. Good for them. How is this helping me? It's one thing to compare and give advice on something you've been through. It's a total different situation where the other person won't even give you a word in edgewise and is so persistent on the their experiences. They make it about themselves instead of what they're there for, you. The constant comparison is nauseating. Honestly, you just want to tell them shut the fuck up!
The Naive One
They mean well. They really do. They have a big heart. They want nothing but the best for you. They just want to see you get better. But they don't understand the disease you live with every day. They don't realize there is no cure. They don't realize you're not going to "get better". "I just want you to feel better". "I just want you to have some relief". "I just don't want to see you in pain anymore". "Don't worry, things will get better. Things will look up for you". "If you just think positive everything will be okay". "Have you tried this? Have you tried that? You should try it. It might help". "Have you gotten a second opinion"? Again, they mean well, and I am super appreciative of the support, but it just doesn't register with them.
The True Friend
They love you unconditionally. They don't judge, demean, or belittle you. There is no competition. No drama. They go to support groups with you, they take you to the doctors, and they come over and make you dinner. They hold your hand during tests or doctors appointment. They cry, laugh, scream, and vent with you. They make you smile. They make you laugh. They give a kiss and can see in their eyes how much they love you. Just when you thought you never needed a hug so badly, they're there with the biggest bear hug in the world. One that you wish would never end. They make you laugh so hard you pee yourself. They wipe away the tears. Whatever you need, they provide it. They do so with no questions asked or agendas. They want nothing in return other than to be in your life and provide you with support. There are no benefits or incentives for them. The only thing they gain by being in your life is friendship, family, and love. Your life is better with them in it.
My mom has seen it all. She's seen all types, and then some. She has lost family and friends due to her MS. But she she also gained some really important people in her life. Her circle is small. Only the good seeds are allowed in to bloom in her garden. Instead of trying to be a know-it-all or religious type, tell the ones you love that you love them. It's as simple as that. Nothing more needs to be said. "I love you" goes a long way.
We all know and have a variety of friends and family members in our lives. Everyone has unique personality traits and characteristics that make them who they are. Every person in your life can service you in different ways. Some people you love to go on adventures with, some you love to relax with, some you want to try that new restaurant with, and some you go to for hard-hitting advice.
When you have a chronic illness, everyone wants to be a critic. Everyone wants to put their two cents in about a disease they know nothing about. They want to come off as educated about your disease. They come off as if they truly understand exactly what you're going through. Truth is, until you live it, you will never truly understand. Yes, you can show compassion and concern, but you'll never know what it's like to walk in those shoes. Here are some types of people you may encounter along the way:
The Know-It-All
The one who thinks they know and understand everything about your disease. The one who looks up information on the Internet and thinks that if it's there, it's law. The one who hears it on the news and believes that if it was on the news, it must be right. The one who suggest every kind of diet because "it works" for everyone they know. The one who says "the experts says it's right so it must be true". They act like they understand everything you're going through. Well until you have actually gone through it yourself, you don't know jack. What works for one person, doesn't mean it going to work for everyone. You know what I have to say to those know-it-alls? I will do my best to try and not judge you for the ignorant comments you just made about a disease you know nothing about and have no real experience with.
The Religious Type
This is the one who is always praying for you. The one always saying "I'm praying for you" or "just keep the faith". The ones who say "if you would just believe..." How about the ones who say "god doesn't give more than you can handle". My mom has been given a buffet of difficulties. So the "big man upstairs" can let up anytime now. That would be great. How about the one who says "come to church with me so we can pray for you. You'll feel much better". I have an issue with this and have talked to a lot of people in our ms community who also have an issue with type of person. As for prayers, I'm all for prayers. If you take time out to pray for my mom or I, I greatly appreciate it. God knows I can use all the prayers I can get. But don't preach and don't shove your beliefs or religion down my throat. You have every right to believe in whatever you want to believe. I'll never tell you that you're wrong. I believe in what I believe in, and you believe in what you believe in. Let's be respectful of each others beliefs and have some common courtesy between one another. What I think bothers people living with chronic illnesses is that it's not tangible help. They want a hug, someone to talk to who will listen, get them out of the house, dinner, etc. They want to hear "I'm here for you, whatever you need". What if you're not religious or don't believe in God? "I'm praying for you" may be uncomfortable for some people. A coworker my mom used to work with once said to her "you know if you just believed in God you wouldn't have MS". Huh? Really? Come again? The balls people have to say whatever they feel like amazes me.
The Self-Centered
This is the person who acts like they care. Really it's all just a show. They want to come over for a cup of coffee and see how you're doing. but when they get there, it's all about them. They constantly compare what you're going through to the experiences they've had. "I done that". "I've been through that". "I had to do this or that". "Well my aunt, sister, cousin, coworker, mailman, person at the grocery store had this happen to them". Awesome. Good for them. How is this helping me? It's one thing to compare and give advice on something you've been through. It's a total different situation where the other person won't even give you a word in edgewise and is so persistent on the their experiences. They make it about themselves instead of what they're there for, you. The constant comparison is nauseating. Honestly, you just want to tell them shut the fuck up!
The Naive One
They mean well. They really do. They have a big heart. They want nothing but the best for you. They just want to see you get better. But they don't understand the disease you live with every day. They don't realize there is no cure. They don't realize you're not going to "get better". "I just want you to feel better". "I just want you to have some relief". "I just don't want to see you in pain anymore". "Don't worry, things will get better. Things will look up for you". "If you just think positive everything will be okay". "Have you tried this? Have you tried that? You should try it. It might help". "Have you gotten a second opinion"? Again, they mean well, and I am super appreciative of the support, but it just doesn't register with them.
The True Friend
They love you unconditionally. They don't judge, demean, or belittle you. There is no competition. No drama. They go to support groups with you, they take you to the doctors, and they come over and make you dinner. They hold your hand during tests or doctors appointment. They cry, laugh, scream, and vent with you. They make you smile. They make you laugh. They give a kiss and can see in their eyes how much they love you. Just when you thought you never needed a hug so badly, they're there with the biggest bear hug in the world. One that you wish would never end. They make you laugh so hard you pee yourself. They wipe away the tears. Whatever you need, they provide it. They do so with no questions asked or agendas. They want nothing in return other than to be in your life and provide you with support. There are no benefits or incentives for them. The only thing they gain by being in your life is friendship, family, and love. Your life is better with them in it.
My mom has seen it all. She's seen all types, and then some. She has lost family and friends due to her MS. But she she also gained some really important people in her life. Her circle is small. Only the good seeds are allowed in to bloom in her garden. Instead of trying to be a know-it-all or religious type, tell the ones you love that you love them. It's as simple as that. Nothing more needs to be said. "I love you" goes a long way.
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