Mom, You Already Told Me That
"Mom, you already told me that".
"Mom, you said that already".
"Mom, remember, I told you that the other day".
These are conversations I can easily have with my mom every day. I try not use the "you already said that" line. I know how hard she struggles with cognitive issues. She doesn't need the constant reminder from me. But I'll admit, sometimes it slips out. I'm not perfect. I don't say it to shame her or make her feel less then, it just comes out.
"Cog fog" is as real as Christmas decorations coming out in June. Cognitive disability has been one of my moms most prevalent MS symptoms throughout her entire journey. It has slowly crept up along the years, and in the present moment, it's her most significant and scariest symptom she faces.
Due to her black holes and brain atrophy, she struggles to focus, she fumbles over her words, she struggles to get her words and thoughts out and make complete sentences, she repeats herself, and she often gets disoriented when there is too much stimulation in a room. Don't even get me started on remembering appointments or someones name. Between my list of things to do and hers, our calendar looks like we're more important than The Royals. Those calendar apps in your phone is the best invention ever. I don't know what I'd do without one. She's bad a remembering faces and names too. Sometimes when we're in public and she sees someone who she doesn't recognize, she'll turn to me as they leave and say "who was that". It's like a game of Guess Who.
If you ever see her in public and she doesn't seem herself, just know it's not you. it's MS. She looks to me a lot of times for assistance when it comes to dealing with waiters, cashiers, and customer service workers. Sometimes she doesn't understand what they're asking her or she has a hard time forming her thoughts to them. I often have to help her sift through her words.
Cognitive disability doesn't just affect the individual, but friends and family as well. I don't think people really understand what it's like. When someone doesn't understand what you're going though, it can be hard to explain yourself. At that point it's almost like you have to make excuses for your disability so that the other person "gets it" or lays off your back about it. Even when you do try to explain it and try to convey just how bad it is, they still don't seem understand and be compassionate about it. She gets the "oh I understand" line with the condescending tone behind it. You actually have to idea.
Recently, a friend of hers said she misses taking to my mom and she wishes she would reach out more. My mom was really hurt. Could my mom reach out more? Or course, couldn't we all! We're ally guilty of it. My mom told me that
"Mom, you said that already".
"Mom, remember, I told you that the other day".
These are conversations I can easily have with my mom every day. I try not use the "you already said that" line. I know how hard she struggles with cognitive issues. She doesn't need the constant reminder from me. But I'll admit, sometimes it slips out. I'm not perfect. I don't say it to shame her or make her feel less then, it just comes out.
"Cog fog" is as real as Christmas decorations coming out in June. Cognitive disability has been one of my moms most prevalent MS symptoms throughout her entire journey. It has slowly crept up along the years, and in the present moment, it's her most significant and scariest symptom she faces.
Due to her black holes and brain atrophy, she struggles to focus, she fumbles over her words, she struggles to get her words and thoughts out and make complete sentences, she repeats herself, and she often gets disoriented when there is too much stimulation in a room. Don't even get me started on remembering appointments or someones name. Between my list of things to do and hers, our calendar looks like we're more important than The Royals. Those calendar apps in your phone is the best invention ever. I don't know what I'd do without one. She's bad a remembering faces and names too. Sometimes when we're in public and she sees someone who she doesn't recognize, she'll turn to me as they leave and say "who was that". It's like a game of Guess Who.
If you ever see her in public and she doesn't seem herself, just know it's not you. it's MS. She looks to me a lot of times for assistance when it comes to dealing with waiters, cashiers, and customer service workers. Sometimes she doesn't understand what they're asking her or she has a hard time forming her thoughts to them. I often have to help her sift through her words.
Cognitive disability doesn't just affect the individual, but friends and family as well. I don't think people really understand what it's like. When someone doesn't understand what you're going though, it can be hard to explain yourself. At that point it's almost like you have to make excuses for your disability so that the other person "gets it" or lays off your back about it. Even when you do try to explain it and try to convey just how bad it is, they still don't seem understand and be compassionate about it. She gets the "oh I understand" line with the condescending tone behind it. You actually have to idea.
Recently, a friend of hers said she misses taking to my mom and she wishes she would reach out more. My mom was really hurt. Could my mom reach out more? Or course, couldn't we all! We're ally guilty of it. My mom told me that
maybe she's just a bad friend and that's why she can't seem to get back to people. I told her that's not the case at all! Sorry that she has cognitive disability and doesn't remember to get back to every single person about every single tiny thing. The world isn't going to end. If someone cannot understand that, then they shouldn't be in your life. And it's a 2-way street. If notice your friend or family member who struggles with cognitive issues hasn't gotten back to you, reach out to them. Let them know you're thinking of them and you're just checking in.
"Becca, I love you".
"Mom, you already told me that today. But you can say it as much as you want. I love you too".
Comments